Yesterday, August 22, 2010 I treated myself to a white water rafting experience as one of my birthday gifts to myself. My co-conspirator in this adventure, bad asses that we are sat at the back of the yellow bus as it bumped along to the drop-off point. There were 36 of us crazy (some would say 'stupid') enough to think plunging down rapids in rubber boats would be a fun way to spend the day. Were we not the ones who signed the waivers and voluntarily relinquished significant rights and privileges? That alone could be construed as something gone amiss in the attics of all members of the motley crew I had tossed myself in with.
We arrived at the "put-in" area, where the guides piled us into yellow rubber boats, and gave a 30-minute rough and dirty rafting lesson and white water safety tips in case we fell overboard.
Fast forward (not really) to our first rapids which we tore down and conquered with all hands on deck. Our guide was so impressed by our paddling adeptness that at one point he and the crew made me sit at the front of the boat with 3 other crew mates where we were told to hang our heads over the front of the raft and hold on tight, then the others were instructed to paddle really hard as the captain steered us back into the white waters for a refreshing "dunk".
As I saw the water rushing at me, I closed my contact-lensed eyes and my nose was flushed with what felt like the entire white water wave. A silent GODDAMN! as the flush of water burned through my nasal cavities and sinus passages, but the guide said it was fun so everyone laughed. We were encouraged to switch places again and again and again until everyone in our raft willingly snorted the rapids and felt the rush of it flush back out, along with fish and debris lucky enough to survive our attack. When asked if we wanted to go again, no one answered and our guide's mood took a slight dip but picked right back up when he noticed other boats only dunking ONCE and then paddling on their merry way. Our guide realized just how hell bent his crew was for adventure.
After battling rapids for a few hours, we arrived at a spectacular cliff where we docked and were told that before we got our trail mix and juice that we should take the opportunity to jump from the topmost point into the raging (not really) rapids. Pff! Other lame-ass crew members shook in their soppy shoes and refused to take the plunge, but NOT OUR TEAM! Oh no, we all stood in line and did exactly as we were told (and it was all captured on video - though neither me or my companion bothered to purchase the dvd. We did share a good laugh while watching the 'movie' amongst the crew members before leaving the resort).
After our snack and rest break, the guides told us to pee in the water, so I tried. Admittedly, I was a bit dehydrated for some reason from the night previous (I may or may not have begun celebrating my b-day the night before rafting, and two days earlier than the day I was born, and I may or may not have consumed liquids with little or no H2O as a called-for ingredient) - no matter the plumbing had nothing to release.I even closed my eyes and tried REAL hard because the guide said we would help warm up the river in Ottawa for those who were swimming that day. I apologize to my Ottawa river swimming friends, I tried, but I just couldn't warm up the water for you. I think it was because I rented that water suit. Maybe if it were MINE I would have been more successful in that. As it stands I got an "F-" for that element of the day. Others apparently got an A+ and unfortunately, I was floating down ahead of those successful water-warmers. :(
Tallying our crew's over all success rate: we were the only team who did 5 dunks that day, and also the only team of rafters who never once fell out of our vessel during the entire trip - that made our guide beam with pride, particularly when one crew member asked if we could form a human pyramid as we sailed into the last rapid of the day. We, of course executed this challenge with tremendous aplomb and then, we were asked to willingly throw ourselves overboard to enjoy the feeling of free-floating with the river's current. Our team always did whatever we were told with great enthusiasm. After about 25-30 minutes, our guide apparently bored of following his floaters down river and having to paddle the raft solo, suggested we swim back to the raft and proceeded to pull us back on board so we could, as a team make our way towards the tug boat.
We paddled for about an hour before the tug boat came into sight. Paddling up alongside the little motorboat, our guides strung up each raft and their crew members to the tug boat which then slowly hauled the wearied and wrung out adventure seekers to the pontoon. Twenty-five minutes later we caught sight of the pontoons, and got a whiff of bbq wafting in the air. The pontoon captain and crew members were jovial as they were grilling steaks and baked potatoes, there was salad, breads, coffee and brownies (for our brave guides, the rest of us got to scramble and fight for the left overs). ;)
The pontoon found many crew members struggling to change into their dry clothes as discreetly as possible, so I did that thing women do inside their shirts when we pull our bras out of our sleeves, only to realize that I hadn't stuffed a dry one into my guide's duffel bag. In hindsight, I really don't know how I would have gotten a dry bra on because I've never actually practiced slipping it UP my sleeves.
As it happened, I also forgot to pack a towel to dry off and to use as a screen in order to change into the sweat pants I purchased at the resort boutique just before the excursion. Had dry pants but no towel, so I had to keep my wetsuit bottoms on until we got to the resort. As soon as we docked, I made a dash for the boutique and bought a $20.00 towel (that left green fluff on my skin) and found the outdoor showers which were completely unoccupied. Suffice it to say, it felt SO damn good to strip naked and stand under the steaming waters, I waved to my guide who stood there smiling at me, and after I turned the water off and wrapped my expensive cheap towel around my boobs, he came over to me and said, "Del, the shower stalls are right behind you, and you missed a spot of soap behind you left knee." :o
NO!
That last paragraph is a partial lie because I like to shock people. You can ask my rafting partner. The truth? I DID keep the bottom of my wetsuit on because I forgot to bring a towel, and my buddy found a free shower stall for me next to the public rinsing showers that were in full view of the volley ball net. The pricey cheap towel and green fluff is true.
I should add that the word PADDLE is printed across the ass of my new sweat pants, which makes perfect sense when one is walking around a white water rafting resort. Those same sweat pants, however could take on a totally different meaning if I wear them around the downtown Ottawa Market area. Hmm...it is my b-day after all - a little paddling couldn't hurt. ;)
* Adventure Experience Self-Grade: A +
(August 2010)
We arrived at the "put-in" area, where the guides piled us into yellow rubber boats, and gave a 30-minute rough and dirty rafting lesson and white water safety tips in case we fell overboard.
Fast forward (not really) to our first rapids which we tore down and conquered with all hands on deck. Our guide was so impressed by our paddling adeptness that at one point he and the crew made me sit at the front of the boat with 3 other crew mates where we were told to hang our heads over the front of the raft and hold on tight, then the others were instructed to paddle really hard as the captain steered us back into the white waters for a refreshing "dunk".
As I saw the water rushing at me, I closed my contact-lensed eyes and my nose was flushed with what felt like the entire white water wave. A silent GODDAMN! as the flush of water burned through my nasal cavities and sinus passages, but the guide said it was fun so everyone laughed. We were encouraged to switch places again and again and again until everyone in our raft willingly snorted the rapids and felt the rush of it flush back out, along with fish and debris lucky enough to survive our attack. When asked if we wanted to go again, no one answered and our guide's mood took a slight dip but picked right back up when he noticed other boats only dunking ONCE and then paddling on their merry way. Our guide realized just how hell bent his crew was for adventure.
After battling rapids for a few hours, we arrived at a spectacular cliff where we docked and were told that before we got our trail mix and juice that we should take the opportunity to jump from the topmost point into the raging (not really) rapids. Pff! Other lame-ass crew members shook in their soppy shoes and refused to take the plunge, but NOT OUR TEAM! Oh no, we all stood in line and did exactly as we were told (and it was all captured on video - though neither me or my companion bothered to purchase the dvd. We did share a good laugh while watching the 'movie' amongst the crew members before leaving the resort).
After our snack and rest break, the guides told us to pee in the water, so I tried. Admittedly, I was a bit dehydrated for some reason from the night previous (I may or may not have begun celebrating my b-day the night before rafting, and two days earlier than the day I was born, and I may or may not have consumed liquids with little or no H2O as a called-for ingredient) - no matter the plumbing had nothing to release.I even closed my eyes and tried REAL hard because the guide said we would help warm up the river in Ottawa for those who were swimming that day. I apologize to my Ottawa river swimming friends, I tried, but I just couldn't warm up the water for you. I think it was because I rented that water suit. Maybe if it were MINE I would have been more successful in that. As it stands I got an "F-" for that element of the day. Others apparently got an A+ and unfortunately, I was floating down ahead of those successful water-warmers. :(
Tallying our crew's over all success rate: we were the only team who did 5 dunks that day, and also the only team of rafters who never once fell out of our vessel during the entire trip - that made our guide beam with pride, particularly when one crew member asked if we could form a human pyramid as we sailed into the last rapid of the day. We, of course executed this challenge with tremendous aplomb and then, we were asked to willingly throw ourselves overboard to enjoy the feeling of free-floating with the river's current. Our team always did whatever we were told with great enthusiasm. After about 25-30 minutes, our guide apparently bored of following his floaters down river and having to paddle the raft solo, suggested we swim back to the raft and proceeded to pull us back on board so we could, as a team make our way towards the tug boat.
We paddled for about an hour before the tug boat came into sight. Paddling up alongside the little motorboat, our guides strung up each raft and their crew members to the tug boat which then slowly hauled the wearied and wrung out adventure seekers to the pontoon. Twenty-five minutes later we caught sight of the pontoons, and got a whiff of bbq wafting in the air. The pontoon captain and crew members were jovial as they were grilling steaks and baked potatoes, there was salad, breads, coffee and brownies (for our brave guides, the rest of us got to scramble and fight for the left overs). ;)
The pontoon found many crew members struggling to change into their dry clothes as discreetly as possible, so I did that thing women do inside their shirts when we pull our bras out of our sleeves, only to realize that I hadn't stuffed a dry one into my guide's duffel bag. In hindsight, I really don't know how I would have gotten a dry bra on because I've never actually practiced slipping it UP my sleeves.
As it happened, I also forgot to pack a towel to dry off and to use as a screen in order to change into the sweat pants I purchased at the resort boutique just before the excursion. Had dry pants but no towel, so I had to keep my wetsuit bottoms on until we got to the resort. As soon as we docked, I made a dash for the boutique and bought a $20.00 towel (that left green fluff on my skin) and found the outdoor showers which were completely unoccupied. Suffice it to say, it felt SO damn good to strip naked and stand under the steaming waters, I waved to my guide who stood there smiling at me, and after I turned the water off and wrapped my expensive cheap towel around my boobs, he came over to me and said, "Del, the shower stalls are right behind you, and you missed a spot of soap behind you left knee." :o
NO!
That last paragraph is a partial lie because I like to shock people. You can ask my rafting partner. The truth? I DID keep the bottom of my wetsuit on because I forgot to bring a towel, and my buddy found a free shower stall for me next to the public rinsing showers that were in full view of the volley ball net. The pricey cheap towel and green fluff is true.
I should add that the word PADDLE is printed across the ass of my new sweat pants, which makes perfect sense when one is walking around a white water rafting resort. Those same sweat pants, however could take on a totally different meaning if I wear them around the downtown Ottawa Market area. Hmm...it is my b-day after all - a little paddling couldn't hurt. ;)
* Adventure Experience Self-Grade: A +
(August 2010)